Who Writes Your Story?
One of my favorite lines from the Hamilton Soundtrack is repeated throughout. It resonates with me everytime. “Who lives, who dies, who tells your story?” No, this article isn’t about life or death. It’s about who you allow to influence your overarching sense of direction. Seems like a simple thing, but it’s more difficult for many of us than you might imagine. I have a workshop I facilitate where I present the following prompt. “Raise your hand if you believe you’re the primary author of your own life story.” I then go on to challenge those who’ve raised their hands (usually consisting of the majority of the audience). Think it sounds a bit audacious to tell people they’re not as in control of their own lives as they think they are? You’re not wrong, but it’s important to shed light on the external influences that tend to define our sense of identity, direction, and meaning.
Think about it for a minute. Throughout the day you’re impacted by non-stop stimuli and messaging about who you should be, what you should pursue, and how you should live your life. These messages come from the radio, the television, commercials, billboards, cellphones, social media, people around us, and so much more. Let’s rewind the clock even further. Our most impressionable years of development take place when we’re growing up at home, where the foundation for our personalities, our perspectives, and our belief systems are significantly defined by family, close friends, the communities we grow up in, schools we attend, and the media we consume. As we enter our late teens and early twenties, we’ve been inundated by literally millions of messages about how we should live our lives. In the United States, many people then enter a period of time culturally associated with moving into a state of independence, which in turn leads to a series of existential questions:
What career should I pursue?
Do I want to get married someday?
Do I want to have children?
How much money should I make?
When is the right time to achieve all of this?
Should I buy a sensible ride, or the high-end vehicle symbolizing success?
Will I be perceived as lesser than if friends my same age are more successful than I am?
The list goes on and on.
While I was studying human development in graduate school, I was introduced to the concept of Self-Authorship and I think about it regularly in my approach to coaching and career development. The concept focuses on the transition from having our values, beliefs, ambitions, etc. defined primarily by others to choosing our own direction based more on our own internal beliefs, values, and perceptions. Given that many of us struggle with this in the early stages of career, it’s always been a helpful framework for prompting people to reflect on their personal values and ambitions before moving too quickly on a given opportunity.
For example, as you consider your own transition to self-authorship, reflect on how your career has been influenced by external factors. Have you ever chosen to pursue a job or role based solely on the opportunity to earn more? Or perhaps you aspired to attain a certain title because you perceived it as the next step to success? That’s all well and good, save for when we’re pursuing roles and opportunities based on external influences as opposed to seeking those that align with our personal values, talents, and motivation. Obviously taking on more responsibility and challenge can be a boon for our professional development, but ironically, pursuing roles for the wrong reasons can also stunt growth (and our overall sense of wellbeing as well).
If you’ve ever been in a role where you felt seriously frustrated with your work, you know that stress can bleed over into other aspects of your life. Being miserable in a role or with a given organization can be detrimental to our health in the long run. On the flip side, working in a place that aligns with our personal values and gives us an opportunity to leverage our natural talents on a regular basis tends to provide the conditions that allow us to thrive. That is why it is essential to intentionally reflect on alignment when pursuing a particular role or organization.
One of the fallacies I frequently run into when working with young professionals is that becoming a manager at some point is essential for long term growth. Management is not the only path to growth, yet many people tend to associate managerial roles with success. If we pursue roles solely for prestige, compensation, or the perceived “next step” based on external definitions of success, we may find that we’re in positions that make us miserable. Our career ambitions never stop evolving and as they do, it’s essential that we take the time to pause and reflect on our journey and the next step we want to pursue.
One of my favorite researchers, Marcia Baxer-Magolda, wrote a lot about the concept of self-authorship in college students. She coined that phrase “good company for the journey” and suggested that keeping people close who can serve as trusted confidants to guide in our ongoing development is essential for our growth. While it is important to develop our own internal sense of who we want to be, what we value, and more, we’ll never truly escape all of the external messages that tend to influence us. That’s why it’s essential to keep people close whose advice and guidance we value most. As it pertains to the question “who writes your story?” you absolutely have the ability to define who you seek for advice and guidance, and who you choose to filter out.
Having the right editorial board for helping you write your life story is essential. Find a group of trusted mentors, family, and peers that respects your ability to own creative control, yet who also have the gumption to challenge your thinking when your direction seems misaligned with who you are. If you don’t have good professional mentors in your network, this might be just the prompt to continue building connections with leaders you admire and whom you can seek out for advice in the future. Their guidance can be invaluable to your long term growth. Don’t miss your shot…just remember not to lose yourself pursuing markers of success that are defined by others more so than yourself.
